Dating – Questions to Ask Yourself

In the recent Religion Saves: and Nine Other Misconceptions, Pastor Mark Driscoll answers a question about dating. I thought these following questions to ask yourself in regards to dating were helpful. Download the audio or video here. While some of the questions I wouldn’t 1000% condone, I thought it gave at least a good general outline of things you should be considering and asking.

Christian Dating Principles for Both Men and Women

1. Maximize your singleness for God.
2. Do not pursue a relationship until you are ready to marry.
3. Be reasonable – do not set your expectations too high or too low.
4. A date is not dating: date = time together; dating = couple (1 Tim. 5:1-2).
5. Never go on a date or date a non-Christian (2 Cor. 6:14).
6. Only date one person at a time.
7. He initiates; she responds.
8. Look at who God puts in front of you (e.g. Boaz & Ruth).
9. Feel free to use technology (e.g. internet dating) wisely.
10. Only invest in a relationship with someone who you are attracted to entirely (e.g. physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, ministry gifts).
11. Only date someone who agrees with you on gender and family.
12. Guard your heart (Prov. 4:23).

Christian Dating Questions for Men

1. Are you overlooking good women (e.g. single moms, shy, divorcees)?
2. Are you honoring, God, her, her family, her friends, etc.?
3. Is she modest (1 Tim. 2:9)?
4. Will she follow your leadership?
5. Does she have noble character (Prov. 31)?
6. Can you provide for the lifestyle she expects (1 Tim. 5:8)?
7. Is she like the worst women in Proverbs (e.g. nag, loud, quarreling, unfaithful)?
8. Do you want your daughters to be like her and your sons to marry someone like her?

Christian Dating Questions for Women

1. Do you want to help him and join his course of life (Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9)?
2. Is he tough enough to remain strong in tough times (2 Tim. 2:3)?
3. Will he take responsibility for you and your children (1 Cor. 11:3)?
4. Is he considerate and gentle with you (1 Peter 3:7)?
5. Will he be a good father (Ps. 127:3-5; Eph. 6:4)?
6. Is he a one woman man (1 Tim. 3:2)?
7. How valuable are you to him?
8. Do you want your sons to be like him and your daughters to marry someone like him?


11 Comments on “Dating – Questions to Ask Yourself”

  1. Allen Taylor says:

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Allen Taylor

  2. Ruby says:

    Out of curiosity, “11. Only date someone who agrees with you on gender and family.”
    What exactly does this mean? Could you elaborate?

  3. surpassingworth says:

    Well, these aren’t my words, they’re from Mark Driscoll’s sermon on Dating (click the link in the post to get to it).

    but what i think he means by that is simply that you want to begin dating someone that shares a similar view of gender and family issues. i would sound off on that by saying it’s important to share a similar theology as the person you intend to marry. because if you totally disagree on how you ought to raise your children or can’t agree on the role of a woman and man in a relationship, then there’s going to be inevitable divisions.

  4. martin says:

    good and hardworking wife is a gift to GOD

  5. martin says:

    these is agood issue
    thank you

  6. eschedler says:

    I attending Mars Hill for some time and, while it wasn’t a great fit for me, I did really appreciate this sermon.

    I think he hit the nail on the head several times in regards to what young women and men should be looking for in a spouse. Too much of our media and culture puts out unrealistic expectaions about relationships and idealizes sex and infatuation.

    The best qualities in a marriage, though, come down to values and character. At least that’s the foundation of any good one!

    Whether you’re a Christian or not, these are great pieces of advice!

  7. beloved says:

    A woman cheats on her husband and asks for a divorce. Her husband files for divorce because he considers the covenant broken and begins dating a single, Christian woman before his marriage is legally finalized.Are the single Christain woman and not-yet divorced Christian gentleman going against God’s word because his divorce is not legal? Remember: They are only dating. Please tell me where to look this up if you have scripture to back you up.

    • Dan Ko says:

      Hey Beloved,

      I apologize for the late response. But here’s my stab at the situation you propose.

      I’m assuming by your description that both the originally married man and woman are Bible-believing Christians, correct? If that’s the case, then I’m assuming you see the grounds for divorce being filed on the account of the woman’s infidelity (Mt 5:31, 19:3-4, 7-9, etc.). So I follow you this far. But here’s where I think it needs to be clarified. I believe that the bond of marriage was broken when the act of infidelity occurred. Not only that, but the vow of marriage was broken as well when the husband agreed to divorce his wife. Seeing that as the case, I don’t believe, whether recognized by the state or civil law, the husband and the former wife are still under the covenant. For the covenant was broken both by the act of sex outside of marriage (sex is the marriage covenant ratifying act, Ex 22:16-17, Gen 34, Deut 22:28-29) & the renunciation of the marriage covenant vows (man’s vow of covenant, Gen 2:23).

      In summary, while it may be wise, as we ought to be under the ruling authorities in respectful submission, to get the marriage properly annulled, I don’t think God’s view of the marriage is as if it is still intact. The marriage covenant was broken two-fold, both by act (sex) and vow.

      So to answer you question. I don’t believe the man and the new woman he is dating is out of line Scripturally, but they are definitely not being wise Biblically. I would not want marriage to be viewed in such flippant manners as to think the minute someone fails, I’m out of there. But I hope marriage is lifted higher than that and is viewed as Covenant before God and lived out by the Grace of God.

      I hope that helps somehow. I’d love to talk more about it if you need clarification.

  8. Micki says:

    I don’t think this is as much of a reply as needing an answer. My boyfriend and I are Christians. But we have had sex a few times. We don’t want to in fact I’m going to counseling for it. But the main thing is he says” I’m needy”and that is one reason I am starting counselling. He wants to go slow. We are 53 and 57. How slow is slow. I don’t want to loose him by scarring him off but I am needy I know it so how do I change that in me. I have had a heard life with men and this man is so loving and kind hearted. I love him but he hasn’t said he loves me yet but has talk about the future. I will do anything to get to the place were we will marry. Any advice anyone can five. Please Help Micki

  9. Micki says:

    Oh also one more thing. I have had 6 months counseling with a Pastor who took advantage of me. I don’t want to destroy his life but my boyfriend wants me to tell what happened. Should I or shouldn’t I ? I am no longer going to that church and It will destroy him if I tell.

  10. I enjoy, result in I found exactly what I waas looking for.

    You’ve ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man.

    Have a great day. Bye

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