How to Find Your Future Spouse

According to Alistair Begg, pastor for teaching & preaching at Parkside Church in Ohio & speaker on the radio program Truth for Life, these are some key questions to consider in light of choosing a spouse. Obviously, the presumption here is that you are dating for the purpose of marriage. So in light of Pastor Min’s sermon tonight at Large Group about “How to Make Decisions”, I thought this may be helpful for some in their process of decision making and discerning the will of God in the arena of relationships. For Alistair’s full sermons on this issue go listen to Part A & Part B, but for your convenience I’ve outlined his 6 questions for women and men…

What should I look for in a husband?

1. The husband must be committed to growing in his relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

  • Do not take on a “discipleship project” or someone that’s merely mastered Bible trivia, but someone that’s serious about growing in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.
  • Imagine that he’s going to be, in part, your shepherd and your guide, the spiritual leader in your home, and the nurturer of your children together.

2. The husband should be an individual of obvious integrity.

  • If he cheats on the golf course, beware.
  • If he fudges on business calls, giving false promises to clients in order not to lose the sale, you need to confront him and if he seeks to under gird his deceptiveness with argumentation, you should probably kiss him goodbye.
  • What makes you ever think if a man would lie to a customer, client, teacher, boss, or coworker, that he wouldn’t lie to his wife? You need someone that is honest to the core.

3. The husband should be able to lead boldly.

  • Not just the high school quarterback or class president, but simply a man that could think for himself, weight options, and make a good decisions.
  • Don’t settle for leadership that is selfish, bombastic, and domineering.
  • Leadership that is like Christ, marked by an attitude of servant hood.
  • If he can’t decide between the Large & Medium t-shirt at the Gap, you know you got a problem.

4. The husband should display the ability to love sacrificially.

  • Watch at the end of the evening with friends to see if he spearheads the efforts to help clean up.
  • Observe the way he relates to children and to strangers.
  • Watch his attitude to waitresses and other public service workers.

5. The husband should be able to laugh heartily.

  • Humor is a vital element in preventing marital failure.
  • The ability to laugh may not mean that he’s the class clown or even a joke teller, in fact he may be hopeless at telling jokes and that might be the funniest thing about him.
  • Does he have a willingness to laugh at himself? If he takes himself too seriously, look out.
  • Is he willing to come off looking foolish in front of other people?

6. The husband should model genuine humility.

  • A good husband must not be stuck on himself.
  • Genuine humility keeps its focus on others.
  • Can he share the joy of a competitor’s success?

What should I look for in a wife?

1. The wife must have a personal faith and trust in the Lord Jesus.

  • This is the basis for any and all of the other qualities on the list.
  • Don’t be unequally yoked. True intimacy can not be achieved without this very basic foundation of faith.

2. The wife should possess beauty that is deeper than the skin.

  • The importance of a gentle and a quiet spirit is almost unquantifiable.
  • A woman who possesses a natural radiance, rather than a glow that comes from a bottle.
  • It is less important to find a woman whose beauty comes from time spent in front of a beauty parlor than time spent in the presence of the Lord Jesus.
  • The inside is the key, the outside is the bonus.

3. The wife should be an initiative taker with an attitude of submission.

  • Look for a woman with abilities, gifts, ideas, hopes, plans, & dreams.
  • Because more often than we’d like to admit as husbands, many times we will rely on our wife’s strengths.
  • An attitude of submission is God’s intended role for a wife, not in the way that they’d wait around for the husband’s directives, but to take initiative in God’s given order for marriage, holding the husband as the head of the relationship as God intended.
  • You will see it in her relationship to her father, to her peers, and in her relationship with God if she’s unwilling to submit to the clear teaching of the Word of God.

4. The wife should build her husband’s confidence.

  • Trustworthiness stems from character.
  • A woman’s intrinsic qualities are revealed by her actions.

5. The wife should display kindness that touches others.

  • The woman should express kindness.
  • The woman should have a special tenderness/motherly affection.

6. The wife should have a sense of humor that braves adversity.

  • The ability to laugh will get couples through more than a few rough spots.
  • If you’re looking for a girl to put up with your strange peculiarities, you better find a girl that could laugh as well.
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5 Comments on “How to Find Your Future Spouse”

  1. hojinyoo says:

    Now you’ve got a checklist to help you find someone for me. Get on it. Thank you.

  2. dyuh says:

    I was actually going to post an entry on this too… but figuring I haven’t found anyone yet… I wouldn’t the expert in this field… haha… and I’m with Hojin on this one… Thanks~

  3. dlo says:

    i didn’t read your post but it is very nicely formatted.

  4. Toby says:

    Simple Wonderful Christian Guide for Marriage Partner Choice. Nice One.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’m so glad to find this post! And the link to the sermons. I listened to them a long time ago on the radio, but would very much want to have the sermons downloaded for my daughter. When I click on Part A and Part B, it seems like they ave taken the links off. I searched the internet, but with no results, any possibility that you might have the mp3 saved? If yes, would you please send it to me? Thank you so much.


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